Lloyd’s Lessons In Sex Education

We don’t normally look towards young R&B singers for advice on how to live our lives (look what happened to Raz B), but when it comes to dealing with the fairer sex, Lloyd definitely knows his shit.

His recently released album Lessons In Love was originally titled Sex Education, so we decided to put the New Orleans native to the test with some tough questions submitted by our readers. Check out young Lloyd’s guidance on topics ranging from how to pick up a chick at the club, to what to do when you’ve gone soft…

Question 1: “I was in the heat of the moment with my girl and my tool wasn’t working properly. How do I avoid this from happening in the future?”

Lloyd: Think happy thoughts. Ice cream on a Sunday at a park. You want to think about…No, no, no. Actually, think macho thoughts. I want you to think about “Welcome To The Jungle!” You want to think about that kind of stuff, you want to think about Mr. T, with his muscles and his chains. And his like “ I pity the fool!” You don’t want to be the fool. You want to think about naked girls. Maybe not even the one in front of you. You want to fantasize about your favorite starlet. And imagine that this is the next best thing. And that’ll get you through.

Question 2: “What’s the best way to convince my girl to be more adventurous in the sack? I’ve tried everything.”

Lloyd: Maybe you convince her that her favorite nighttime special is coming on—lets say, Larry King Live—and you accidentally auto-tune porn, and leave it on, let it ride. Something is bound to go down.

Question 3: “How do I hint to my girl that she’s put on some pounds without being a dick?”

Lloyd: You know, I think the big problem with guys complaining about girls who gain weight is that they sometimes don’t watch their weight. And I think that seeing is believing. So maybe you should get your lazy ass in the gym. Bulk up a little bit and then she’ll say, “Oh my God, honey you look so good! I’m coming with you!” You know?

Question 4: “When I’m picking up girls, how aggressive is too aggressive? Is Ray-J’s “come here girl!” move the way to go?”

Lloyd: Grabbing is too aggressive. Groping. That usually tends to lead into civil cases, bad publicity, and a big headache that Goody’s Headache Powder would never cure. I think the best way to be aggressive without being too aggressive is to get inside the girl’s mind through conversation. Stir up her imagination, and then she’ll let you know everything that she fantasizes about.

Question 5: “What’s the best way to approach a girl at a bar or a club?”

Lloyd: How? I say “Hey! How you doing? You want to go somewhere a little bit more quiet!??” [Laughs]. And then she says, “What?” I say, “You want to go somewhere else?” She says, “What?” I’ll say, “Fuck it. Just give me your number!” No, no actually how I would approach a girl at a club… I’ll wait until my song comes on. I cheat, you know. I’ll wait until my song comes on, and I say, “Hey? You want to give me a dance to my song?”

Question 6: “My girl is a little too obsessed with Pleasure P from Pretty Ricky, how do I get her mind off him?

Lloyd: You find an article that says he has the worst disease known to mankind. And you blow that shit up on a big-ass poster board. And you stamp it over the refrigerator. I think that the best way to get her mind off Pleasure P is to introduce them to the person. That way she’s going to say, “Hey, I really like them in the video, but she’s got a funny head in person.” His head is big.

Question 7: “I’ve been with my girl for six months and it’s been going really well, but I just found out she did a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ taping. What should I do?

Lloyd: Well, I think that’s when you go ahead and you say, “Hey honey, I posed for Playgirl last summer as well.” You know? “They made me spread my cheeks.” I didn’t tell you about that one either.

Question 8: “My girl recently got approached to take some modeling shots. I’m happy for her, but her head is getting bigger by the day. How do you keep her humble?”

Lloyd: Hmm…how would I do it? I like models. I don’t know. I’d sneak into the photographer’s laboratory the day before the photos are produced and mustache them. Mustache and sideburn those fuckers out.

Question 9: Sex is on my mind a lot, and I can’t focus a lot on daily activities. Is that normal?

Lloyd: All I know is that I think about sex everyday; at least 10 to 20 times a day. At the weirdest times. When I eat, right now at this interview I’m thinking about it, I thought about it in the elevator on the way up. And I think it’s something that we all think about quite a great deal. And I also think that there’s a big misconception between sex and love. I even question it myself. By having sex, does this mean I’m in love? Does this mean I love this girl? I really love her but how can I show her? Oh, let’s have sex! And you know, a lot of times you know it’s not love. It’s just sex. And when you have it out of the wrong reasons, then you end up with a lot of bad things. Pregnancies, diseases…you know?